Greatest Lies in the World

By Blog Bloke on June 6th, 2005

I thought you might like this list that I stumbled upon (with a few embellishments by yours truly).

  • The check’s in the mail.

  • I’m from the government and I’m here to help you.

  • I thought I already gave you the money I owed you.

  • But I’ve never been this drunk before.

  • But I really, really do love you.

  • You don’t need to use a condom; I’m on the Pill.

  • I don’t need to use a condom; I’ve had a vasectomy and tested negative for STDs.

  • We’ll have the repairs on your car done by noon.

  • Operator, my calling card number is…

  • You look like you haven’t aged a day.

  • No, I don’t think that outfit makes you look fat.

  • This is what it will cost to repair your car.

  • If elected, I promise…

  • You’re going to love working here.

  • I don’t know what you’re talking about.

  • Nine out of ten people surveyed said…

  • Please hold, and a customer service representative will be with you shortly.

  • I’ll only take a minute of your time.

  • !!Make Money Fast!!

  • Lose all the weight you want!

  • I’m being totally unbiased.

  • I promise I’ll pull out in time.

  • With all due respect…

  • For your convenience…

  • In order to serve you better…

  • I’m planning to get a divorce so I can marry you.

  • I’ll call you.

  • My wife (husband) is okay with me seeing other people; s/he just doesn’t want to know about it.

  • I’m not leaving you for him/her; I just need some space to think things through.

  • This will only hurt a little.

  • This will hurt me more than it does you.

  • I’m doing this for your own good.

  • It’s only for a little while…

  • I didn’t mean any harm.

  • Oh well, no harm done…

  • It was an accident.

  • I didn’t do it.

  • I don’t know who did it.

  • We are experiencing a peak level of call volume…

  • Free Adult XXX Web Site!!!

  • No obligation!

  • You may already be a winner!

  • This product was made in an environmentally friendly manner.

  • I know it’s none of my business…

  • I’m not trying to tell you what to do, but…

  • This should be easy.

  • To speak to a representative, press “9″.

  • It’s nothing personal.

  • This isn’t partisan politics; it’s for the good of the country.

  • I’m not addicted; I can quit smoking any time I want.

  • New and Improved!

  • Trust me.

  • That was special
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    Categories: humor
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