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Two Words Google: Fuddle Duddle

What began as a seemingly innocuous video about Google’s use of algorithms instead of REAL people for Customer Support has turned into a full frontal assault on our collective intelligence. In typical nice guy fashion Matt Cutts does his best to convince us to accept the party line (notice the uncomfortable sigh before he gets into it). The long and short of it is Google does not want to spend money to hire people if a bot can supposedly do the same thing.

Notice I use the words “if” and “supposedly“. He also goes on to explain that freeloaders like us have no right to complain.

The Lord hath spoken.

Well, that was “fun” wasn’t it. Are you convinced yet? Me neither, and so it occurred to me…

How LAME can you get.

That was a nice try there Google but you get no kudos from me.

While it may be convenient to try to hide behind the money commentary, it does not negate the fact that this is really about ACCOUNTABILITY.

.. it’s really about accountability

Reality Check: It’s a Red Herring argument .. Smoke and Mirrors .. BS. Just saying.

You probably know what I think after getting kicked off the Google Plus network for not using a REAL name, and my wasted efforts trying to get support.

(Though apparently it’s now open to “everyone” … except for yours truly of course. I guess that’s what happens when your mentor’s alter ego goes by the pseudonym Zuck. AKA Zuckerberg for those of you who are not in the loop. Yes, it is sarcasm.)

But I digress … we all know how Google goes to great lengths to foster a warm and fuzzy image of itself. After all, how could we possibly be suspicious of an organization that calls itself “Google” and gives us all those free products?

Dig a little deeper however and you will see there is something more nefarious going on.

Wait a tick. Now that I think about it, did he really say Google is “supporting” us to use its “free” services?

Thought he could slip that one by us, huh.

So apparently Google is doing us all a favor with “free” services out of the kindness of its “do no evil” heart.

Like some kind of Google Benevolent Fund or something. Isn’t that nice of them … and here I thought they were making money off us. My bad.

Seriously dude, don’t cha think that’s kinda hypocritical (and rude).

Once upon a time in a land not far away I gave up wasting my time on email and decided to call Google on the telephone for support. But without a password (personal connection) it was impossible to get past the pitbull at the other end.

Try it for yourself if you don’t believe me (if you can find the number — good luck).

It’s easier to get a hold of the Secret Service than a REAL person at Google. Crikey, even the KGB is more approachable and transparent than Google.

In fact Google is one of the most mysterious organizations around. It’s a reason why I opted out of Blogger and switched to a commercial-hosted blog service, and use less Google products than I did before.

FACT: Google’s “customer service” doesn’t just SUCK. It’s NON-EXISTENT!

Don’t believe the propaganda. Automated email and FAQ files is NOT customer service. Or in social media terms — it’s supposed to be a conversation, not a sermon from the mount.

Which I guess explains why Google VP Vic Gundotra @vicgundotra blocked me on Twitter and refuses to respond to any of my concerns (Twitter pic).

* ARROGANCE Has No Bounds, They Say *

The more that Google gets into personalized services such as Google Plus and Profiles .. all the more reason why Google is going to have to invest in REAL people for customer support.

EpiphanyYa think? Hell, I’d even pay for support out of my own pocket if Google wants to nickel and dime me. It’s not like the chump-change that Adsense gives me will be of any help.

So I’m asking myself, why is it that nobody else is bitchin’ about this like me? Answer: Because if they want to continue receiving benefits from Google they have to toe the line.

Which leads me to an epiphany: Does this remind you of George Orwell when the future citizenry watch propaganda videos from talking heads instead of REAL people?

Big Brother Google

It’s deja vu time folks.

Yes, I know it’s cliched and I have a little tongue-in-my-cheek as well, but I do hope you’re getting the point.

It really is a New World Order after all, and the more I look at the picture above the more I’m realizing that George Orwell’s vision for the future wasn’t that far off the mark. It was just 25 years ahead of its time.

Now substitute Mr. Cutts’ image for that other guy and you’ve really got the “big” picture. Just kidding Matt (I think).

Don’t get me wrong. Cutts is probably a nice guy (if he is REAL and not just a bot). I generally like his videos and I’m sure he’s only spewing the company line that Google told him to say.

I just don’t appreciate having my intelligence insulted with this clap-trap, and you have to expect a little heat if you want to be Google’s poster boy.

Pardon my ignorance, but isn’t “social” supposed to be a two-way street and about making connections?

So much for social transparency from our ‘trusted’ web services providers. Only when it suits them.

Or like I said just recently on Twitter: We used to call it ‘Data Mining‘. Now they call it Social Media.

Substitute the term ‘Profile‘ for the word ‘File‘ and you will have a more accurate picture of what’s really going on in social media.

Google is the service and WE are the product. Now don’t you feel the love? I’m feeling warmer and fuzzier by the minute.

(That’s rhetorical by the way).

Do No Evil“. Yeah, right. In a word Google, Fuddle Duddle.

So I leave you with these parting thoughts:

  1. Do you trust your personal information with a company that’s in disarray and all over the map;
  2. Is in the business of aggregating and disseminating your information and has lost its moral compass;
  3. You cannot get a hold of a REAL person;
  4. It ignores you when you ask for help and ..
  5. Is accountable only to itself?

Think about it. Or better still, leave us a comment.

UPDATE: Right after writing this article this blog took a hit on Google’s search engine results page, bumping me from page 1 to page 4. Just coincidence? We shall see. I will be taking dated snapshots as I monitor the situation closely.

Written November 20th, 2011 by | 30 Comments | Filed under: Featured Tips, Opinion, Privacy Tips, Search Engine Tips , ,

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There are 30 Comments so far to “Two Words Google: Fuddle Duddle”

  1. I remember when this nightmare happened to you, searching everywhere to try to find a human person to talk to or a phone number for you to phone… to no avail!

    Yet - I know that some people were getting phone calls or they had the right klout to get to a phone number which blow me away to be very honest.

    I decided once again to do some checking and loved what one person said on the provided google support forum:

    ” HELLO GOOGLEVERSE is someone out there?”

    This sentiment can be seen in many places and in many forums!

    After your post today, a light came on and I believe I now understand WHY there is no person to talk to..all of these support forums my be answered by Google employees, but … these forums, these written words sure make great SEO for Google and they can push themselves higher in ranking of their own search engine - does this make sense? It sure does to me!

    It is NOT just Google who is doing this kind of “support system”, it is also Facebook and Twitter..is this the way of the future?

    Maybe..just maybe all these companies need to learn from world class companies such as MasterCard on how to be a real leader and know how to take care of their customers!

    Just because we are “free” members does not mean that we deserve less than 100% quality support!

      Reply   ·   Share Share Blog Bloke Tips  

    Reply by: BLOGBloke at 4:53 pm said...

    @Diane ( Blogneta), Google needs to invest some of those billions $$$ of profits it makes into hiring REAL employees instead of fancier cars for my buddy Vic Gundotra … DYT.

      Reply   ·   Share Share Blog Bloke Tips  

  2. Wakeup Call: Why Google Uses Algorithms Instead of REAL Customer Support http://t.co/MbPxVxwe

      Reply   ·   Share Share Blog Bloke Tips  

  3. Why Google Uses Algorithms for Customer Support http://t.co/MbPxVxwe via @BLOGBloke

  4. Why Google Uses Algorithms for Customer Support http://t.co/6uugLFf4

  5. I read a post by @BLOGBloke that deserves a response http://t.co/GweiWADw "Why Google Uses Algorithms for Customer Support'

  6. ” HELLO GOOGLEVERSE is someone out there?” http://t.co/ReSoXvpv

  7. aybe because we are "products" we dont deserve to talk to a real person in Google Support? http://t.co/ReSoXvpv #justsaying

  8. Maybe because we are "products" we dont deserve to talk to a real person in Google Support? http://t.co/ReSoXvpv #justsaying

  9. @blogneta That does not compute (Google) http://t.co/MbPxVxwe

  10. Maybe because we are "products" we dont deserve to talk to a real person in Google Support? http://t.co/ReSoXvpv #justsaying

  11. @BLOGBloke mon cher…we are indeed the 99% and if we stand up will we be "virtually" pepper sprayed? http://t.co/ReSoXvpv

  12. @blogneta Hmm, I think they will use a water hose .. but I could be wrong http://t.co/MbPxVxwe

  13. @blogneta Reminds George Orwell's book 1984 where only see propaganda videos but no REAL people http://t.co/MbPxVxwe

  14. Why Google Uses Algorithms Instead of Real Customer Support http://t.co/MbPxVxwe

  15. Battling customer Service phone bots. http://t.co/xrUnAXvl . Maybe Google could upgrade and try this? um..maybe not http://t.co/ReSoXvpv

  16. RT @BLOGBloke: @blogneta Reminds George Orwell's book 1984 where only see propaganda videos but no REAL people http://t.co/8WvLp2O9

  17. UPDATED: Why Google Uses Algorithms Instead of Real Customer Support http://t.co/MbPxVxwe

  18. 3rd UPDATE: Why Google Uses Algorithms Instead of Real Customer Support http://t.co/MbPxVxwe

  19. I've been up all night editing and it just keeps getting better and better — http://t.co/MbPxVxwe

  20. The Final Cut: Why Google Uses Algorithms Instead of Real Customer Support http://t.co/MbPxVxwe You will enjoy it!

  21. […] So why does Google use algorithms instead of REAL people for Customer Support? In his video Matt Cutts does his best to convince us in typical nice guy fashion (notice the uncomfortable sigh before he gets into it). And the long and short of it is Google does not want to spend money to hire people if a bot can supposedly do the same thing. Read the full article here. […]

  22. IMPORTANT: Please let me know what YOU think http://t.co/MbPxVxwe via @BLOGBloke

  23. Two Words Google: Fuddle Duddle http://t.co/MbPxVxwe via @BLOGBloke

  24. Two Words Google: Fuddle Duddle http://t.co/MbPxVxwe via @BLOGBloke

  25. After kicking Google's behind it returned the favor bumping me to page 4 in the SERPS. Coincidence? http://t.co/MbPxVxwe

  26. @BLOGBloke I agree that people should be reading this..it is important! http://t.co/8WvLp2O9

  27. @BLOGBloke I agree that people should be reading this..it is important! http://t.co/8WvLp2O9

  28. Two Words Google: Fuddle Duddle http://t.co/g2JA8p7X via @BLOGBloke

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